It's their job as parents, but it makes the teacher's job much more complex. Various student-parent relationships affect your classroom, and understanding how to deal with these difficult situations is important to learn before they occur.
The Overzealous Parents
You’ve been getting phone messages and emails biweekly from parents requesting updates on their child’s progress. You are exhausted keeping up with requests for communication. You’ve met the overzealous parents, the parents who can’t keep away, who need constant feedback and assurance that their children are still on track.
You need to protect your time here. Overzealous parents will never be satisfied, and the more you respond, the more responses they will expect. Keep your responses professional and brief. While you are required to communicate with parents, set your own schedule. Never respond to the same parent more than once per week. Parents need to understand that your time is valuable.
Most important, print and file all email communications to and from parents for future reference, just in case. You need proof of how much time you’ve put into correspondence.
The Absent Parents
Often, the parents who you need to speak to the most are the parents who never respond. You call home, leave messages on voice mail, but you never hear back from them.
There’s not much you can do other than send a letter home in the mail in case phone messages are being deleted. Keep a copy of this letter in your records. Unfortunately, parents are under no obligation to speak or meet with you, and the best you can do is advocate for these students yourself.
The Parent Enabler
All parents should be advocates for their children, but not to the point where they enable the student to get away with minimal effort for maximum credit. The parent enabler will argue that the student has difficulty being responsible, and therefore the teacher should help take over the student’s responsibilities. The parent enabler focuses on the student's final grade and not the student's learning process.
For example, parents will argue that books and notebooks should be left in the classroom since their children forget them. Or that teachers should write the homework down for students in their personal agendas since their children never remember their homework. Students then take advantage of the situation, doing even less work, never learning responsibility, and the circle continues, with the parent enabler asking for more help.
Draw a clear boundary of where your teaching accommodations end and student responsibilities begin. You are responsible for student learning, but you are not responsible for student accountability.
The Defensive & Confrontational Parents
Then there are the parents who defend their children's devious actions, deny their children have any difficulties, and imply the problem is you. No matter how obvious something seems to you, parents may not always agree to the same cause or consequence.
Be sure to discuss your specific observations of behavior, and let parents draw their own conclusions. Also, be sure to refer to your rules and grading as “policies.” Use fairness to your advantage, and explain that you can't make exceptions since it would not be fair to your other students.
If you know ahead of time that a parent is difficult, it’s best to ask a guidance counselor or department head to serve as a mediator. If you find yourself alone with a combative parent, rely on the following phrases to stop the discussion if things get personal:
“I am uncomfortable with this conversation. If you’d like to discuss this further, please set up a meeting in guidance.””
“I am sorry you feel that way, but I cannot continue with this conversation. If you’d like to discuss this further, please set up a meeting in guidance.”
You should not tolerate any personal attacks. In this case, say, “This conversation is over. Please discuss any further concern with my department head.” Walk away or hang up the phone. It sounds rude, but you must protect yourself. Often if you try to defend yourself, you'll end up saying something you will regret.
The good news: the majority of parents will be wonderful and supportive. The bad news: you still have to deal with the rest in the most professional and self-preserving way as possible.
